an aussie BBQ.

Jake the Dog

Storage is cool
Joined
Jan 27, 2002
Messages
895
Location
melb.vic.au
Glossary:
snag = sausage
Weber = BBQ


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Daz was at the barbecue and Robbo was at the barbecue and I was at the barbecue; three men standing around a barbecue, sipping beer, staring at snags, rolling them backwards and forwards, never leaving them alone. We didn't know why we were at the barbecue; we were just drawn there like moths to a flame. The barbecue was a powerful gravitational force, a man-magnet.

Robbo said the thin ones could use a turn, I said "Yeah I reckon the thin ones could use a turn", Daz said "Yeah they really need a turn"... it was a unanimous turning decision.

Daz was the Tong-Master, a true artist, he gave a couple of practice snaps of his long silver tongs, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of his wrist, rolling them onto their little backs. A lesser tong-man would've flicked too hard; the snags would've gone full circle, back to where they started.

"Nice", I said. The others went "Yeah"

Kev was passing us, he heard the siren-song- sizzle of the snags, the barbecue was calling, beckoning, Kevnnnn ...come. He stuck his head in and said "Any room?"

We said "Yeah" and began the barbecue shuffle; Daz shuffled to the left, Robbo shuffled to the left, I shuffled to the left, Kev slipped in beside me, we sipped our beer. Now there were four of us staring at snags, and Daz gave me the nod, my cue.

I was second-in-command, and I had to take the raw snags out of the plastic bag and lay them on the barbecue; not too close together, not too far apart, curl them into each other's bodies like lovers - fat ones, thin ones, herbed and continental. The mini-snags were tiny, they could easily slip down between the grill, falling into the molten hot-bead-netherworld below. Carefully I laid them sideways ACROSS the grill, clever thinking.

Daz snapped his tongs with approval; there was no greater barbecue honour.

Mark came along, he said "Looking good, looking good" - the irresistible lure of the barbecue had pulled him in too. We said "Yeah" and did the shuffle, left, left, left, left, he slipped in beside Kev, we sipped our beer.

Five men, lots of snags. Robbo was the Fork-pronger; he had the fork that pronged the tough hides of the Bavarian bratwursts and he showed a lot of promise. Stabbing away eagerly, leaving perfect little vampire holes up and down the casing. Mark was shaking his head, he said "I reckon they cook better if you don't poke them."

There was a long silence, you could have heard a mini-snag drop, and this newcomer was a rabble-rouser, bringing in his crazy ideas from outside. He didn't understand the hierarchy; first the Tong-master, then the Sausage-layer, then the Fork-pronger -and everyone below was just a watcher. Maybe eventually they'll move up the ladder, but for now - don't rock the Weber.

Diane popped her head in; "Hmmm, smells good" she said. She was trying to jostle into the circle; we closed ranks, pulling our heads down and our shoulders in, mumbling yeah yeah yeah, but making no room for her. She was keen, going round to the far side of the barbecue, heading for the only available space . . . the gap in the circle where all the smoke and ashes blew.

Nobody could survive the gap; Diane was going to try. She stood there stubbornly, smoke blinding her eyes, ashes filling her nostrils, sausage fat spattering all over her arms and face. Until she couldn't take it anymore, she gave up, backed off.

Kev waited till she was gone and sipped his beer. We sipped our beer, yeah.

Daz handed me his tongs. I looked at him and he nodded. I knew what was happening, I'd waited a long time for this moment - the abdication. The tongs weighed heavy in my hands, firm in my grip. Was I ready for the responsibility? Yes, I was. I held them up high and they glinted in the sun.

"Don't forget to turn the thin ones" Daz said as he walked away from the barbecue, disappearing toward the house. Yeah I called back, I will, I will. I snapped them twice, SNAP SNAP, before moving in, prodding, teasing, and with an elegant flick of my wrist, rolling them back onto their little bellies.

I was a natural, I was the TONG-MASTER.

But only until Daz got back from the toilet.
 

GIANT

Learning Storage Performance
Joined
Apr 8, 2002
Messages
234
Location
Highway To Hell
Yeah, well, y'see mate no worries here about BBQing, since I be a pseudo-veggie (a few seafood things once in a while).



:-?
 

Groltz

My demeaning user rank is
Joined
Jan 15, 2002
Messages
1,295
Location
Pierce County, WA
GIANT said:
Yeah, well, y'see mate no worries here about BBQing, since I be a pseudo-veggie (a few seafood things once in a while).

No grilled ears of corn? Vegetable shish-kabobs?
 

Jake the Dog

Storage is cool
Joined
Jan 27, 2002
Messages
895
Location
melb.vic.au
my apologies Tannin. i did not write this, although i wish i did. i should have made that clear from the start :oops:

it was a bit rough imho, so i did make some changes and asked the person who sent it to me (a colleague) if they approved. they read it and liked it so i posted it here as i thought it would be nice to share.

you have me thinking now Tannin, i presume he wrote it but now you have me thinking that i must ask him tomorrow.
 

The JoJo

Wannabe Storage Freak
Joined
Jan 25, 2002
Messages
1,490
Location
Finland, Turku
Website
www.thejojo.com
I just got my 2 teeth taken out from the right side of my mouth and have trouble eating. And now you present this excellent story :(

It made me hungry and thirsty....:)
 

simonstre

What is this storage?
Joined
Mar 31, 2002
Messages
61
The title could also have been "a BBQ with your friends." As long as there's beer, a BBQ and a bunch of friends... :D
 

Pradeep

Storage? I am Storage!
Joined
Jan 21, 2002
Messages
3,845
Location
Runny glass
The responsibility of the tongs is something I try to avoid, even if the barbie is at my place. You soon see the foolish ones that take hold of the tongs uninvited, they are stuck there for the arvo. And if the meat is too raw / overdone, you know who gets the blame ;)
 
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