World Cup 2002

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World Cup 2002 starts Friday 31 May, with group A beginning the games. The first teams from group A to play will be France and Senegal.

Perhaps some of you don't care for the World Cup, but Buck and I do, so I thought a thread on this subject was appropriate. More updates will come as the games begin (or other news comes to light).
 

Buck

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Tannin said:
Huh? I thought it was in South Africa?

Nope, the 2002 World Cup is being held in Korea and Japan.

I'm really looking forward to the 2006 World Cup which will be held in Germany. They're gonna remodel the Olympic Stadium in Berlin, and it will seat 76,000 people. I hope that Germany will get their act together by then and will be able to play some decent football again. Bayern being beat by England 5-1 is awful!
 

Mercutio

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The only real sport is women's beach volleyball.
Or gymnastics if they'd actually let actual adult women compete instead of little girls. 8)

Failing that, the only real sport is actual, gladiatoral combat.
Everything else is just some pansy substitute.

Baseball would be a lot more interesting if they let everyone have a bat to use in the manner the players see fit. Baseball needs more help than anything else. Three and four hour matches be damned. Maybe a machine-gun nest at second base or something.

Golf, with all that wasted, wide-open space, seems like it could be much improved with a starving tiger or two, some exploding balls, or perhaps land mines.

Aussie Football, from what I've seen, is on the right track. I'd lose the ball and proceed directly to the ass-kicking portion of the match.

Hockey, too, is a good idea ruined by protective gear and the presence of a puck.

Soccer, well, I'd say watch the hooligans. That or teach everone Savate or something.

Auto-racing? Well, it's hard to call that a sport. Two ideas: Have half the cars start the racing facing the other direction, or, well, did anyone ever play the old pen and paper game "Car Wars"?

Tennis, Badminton and Raquetball can all be made better through the use of true hazards along the out-of-bounds areas. Think of how much more interesting a Venus/Serena Williams match-up would be with the introduction of a yawning chasm.

Weightlifting: Instead of having the lift pick up the weight off the ground, drop it from some set height. The guy who catches it and remains standing longest wins.

I can improve any sport. Just name it.
 

GIANT

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What about ballroom dancing? Isn't that an Olympic sport?

I'm not being sarcastic, but wasn't ballroom dancing or maybe some other form of dancing allowed to compete in the Olympics?



. .
 

timwhit

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Ballroom dancing will be in the 2004 summer games. I just don't understand why golf isn't included in the Olympics yet, it is a worldwide sport/hobby, many people play it...not that I do, but whatever.

And yes Mercutio we all know how you hate all sports. Haven't you ever participated in any sport that you enjoyed? How about paintball? Wrestling? Boxing? Ultimate fighting?
 

flagreen

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I really enjoyed reading Mercutio's constructive suggestions for improving sports. They are very imaginative and very easy to visualize.

BTW - I think they should consider combining the Ballroom Dancing event with Archery in the next Olympics. A few sharks in the pool while they perform Synchronized Swimming wouldn't hurt ratings either.
 

Mercutio

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timwhit said:
And yes Mercutio we all know how you hate all sports. Haven't you ever participated in any sport that you enjoyed? How about paintball? Wrestling? Boxing? Ultimate fighting?

No. I haven't.

I really do believe that the only reason people watch sports, on the deepest level, is to watch for injury or injury-substitute activity. Therefore the right thing to do is to return sport to its most pure state, two guys with pointed sticks beating the crap out of each other.

People get what they want, and "athletes" have something to justify their economic status.
 

Pradeep

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Any sport that requires subjective judging to decide the result is a bit dodgy to begin with IMHO. Look at the farce with the figure skating in Salt Lake.

Certainly beating someone to death with a blunt piece of wood gives a pretty objective result :D
 

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Pradeep said:
Certainly beating someone to death with a blunt piece of wood gives a pretty objective result :D

That would eliminate any complaining from the losing team. :rofl:
 

Mercutio

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Ballroom dancing: Instead of a nice wood or marble floor, how about either loose gravel or suspended netting? "Travis and Wang are going for the pirouette and... Oh no! Oh the humanity!"
 

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I've always thought that sport could be used positivly to solve our socio-economic problems.
ie. No holes bared fighting for the dole.
Turn an econimic burden into an entertainment extravaganza.
If your realy after pointless violence in sport, however, and lets face it who isn't. You can't do much better than international rules. For those of you not familiar with the game it is a sport played by Ireland and Australia and is a cross between soccer and Ausie rules. Round ball but you can pick it up. Of course neither country play it except for the one competition per year with each other, so no one is really that good at it. After a short time both sides tend to get annoyed by the rules inherited from the game which they don't play. The common term for what ensues is "Biffo". As none of the spectators really understand the game either this is the admited sole reason that anyone watches the game.
Its great stuff, and the Ausies almost always win (The fight not the game, I mean who really cares)
 

Mercutio

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I'd think there woud be more of a space limitation in adding a Hippo or something.

Track and field events:
Running = rename it "being chased". Runners get a five second head start from, say, a cement truck, which then follows them around the track at whatever speed is most appropriate. Races end when either all the competitors have been run over, expired from exhaustion, or someone manages to cross the finish line.

Jumping: Jumping for height can be made a far better sport with the addition of a strong monofilament, or perhaps razorwire. Jumping for distance needs only the addition of a height differential between the starting point and the landing point (i.e. don't jump far enough, have a nice, long fall).

Throwing events: Should all take place simultaneously, in loosely opposing directions.
 

Tea

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Actually, it's a cross between Gailic Football and Aussie Rules, Sol.

But that's a really good point you raise. Why on earth isn't the World Cup played using the proper International Rules? I figure the Australian side would do pretty well. :)
 

Mercutio

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Sol, while "no holes barred" is a really interesting expression, and the title of a series of movies I'll admit to having enjoyed, I think the phrase you wanted was "No HOLDS barred", a throwback from professional wresting.
 

Mercutio

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So what was the nature of the dispute with his teammate on the North Melbourne Kanagroos?

And given the phrase under consiideration here, I think perhaps we should phrase things delicately.
 

Sol

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Yeah sorry, in a rush to get to class so I didn't do any proof reading (Or checking of facts because I should know that its Gailic football).

Incidently Anthony "The Man" Mundeen (Mendean? Who knows, you get the idea) is another good example of no holes bared sport in Australia.

But yes I did mean no holds bared, or firearms, or pointy sticks or anything else which may make the game more interesting/bloody.
 

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Mercutio-

If you enjoy death sports then what is wrong with ultimate fighting? Have you ever watched one of those matches before. People get kicked in the head when they are down, punched in the ba...well you get the idea.

I've heard about the Japanese equivalent to ultimate fighting, except it's much more violent. They fight in a room with spikes on the walls and all kinds of other traps.
 

Prof.Wizard

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Yeah! The football season begins again... :D :D

I don't really care who will win the final, as long as it's not France... :x
I hate (most) French dudes...
 

Mercutio

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timwhit said:
Mercutio-

If you enjoy death sports then what is wrong with ultimate fighting? Have you ever watched one of those matches before. People get kicked in the head when they are down, punched in the ba...well you get the idea.

I don't enjoy any sports. My suggestions are based only on observations of sports fanatics.
 

James

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Mercutio said:
Sol, while "no holes barred" is a really interesting expression, and the title of a series of movies I'll admit to having enjoyed, I think the phrase you wanted was "No HOLDS barred", a throwback from professional wresting.
Actually what he said was "no holes bared" which if it's some sort of male sport I'm pretty much in favour of.
 

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Mercutio said:
Tennis, Badminton and Raquetball can all be made better through the use of true hazards along the out-of-bounds areas. Think of how much more interesting a Venus/Serena Williams match-up would be with the introduction of a yawning chasm.

HA, I have visions of the "discus event" in the movie TRON.
 

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timwhit said:
If you enjoy death sports then what is wrong with ultimate fighting? Have you ever watched one of those matches before. People get kicked in the head when they are down, punched in the ba...well you get the idea.
Actually, there's a bunch of things we cannot do. We can't project our adversary head first on the ground, no headbutt, no choking, no bitting, etc.

Therefore the right thing to do is to return sport to its most pure state, two guys with pointed sticks beating the crap out of each other.
I'm all for it. Who wants to play we me? HellDiver? ;-)
 

flagreen

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James said:
Mercutio said:
Sol, while "no holes barred" is a really interesting expression, and the title of a series of movies I'll admit to having enjoyed, I think the phrase you wanted was "No HOLDS barred", a throwback from professional wresting.
Actually what he said was "no holes bared" which if it's some sort of male sport I'm pretty much in favour of.
Ok! As chief moderator and bottle washer around here, I shall put to use my vast powers and on behalf of Sol offer the following correction -

I am Changing "no holes barred" to "no wholes barred". Happy now guys?

:eekers:

There now, let's have no more of this abuse to our Aussie friend.
 

Mercutio

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Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Dancing banana-man (are you trying to tell us something, Bill? - and yes I finally loaded IE to see what the heck you were talking about last night) just couldn't wait to use all those vast moderator powers and now the only person with an "edit" button here thinks he's in charge.

:)
 

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Actually, for some reason that I have never taken the trouble to track down, I seem to have your rightful edit button, Mercutio. I've been meaning to write to Doug about that but keep forgetting. Given the vast amount of moderation required at present, i.e., none whatever, it didn't seem urgent.
 

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Tannin said:
Hello Doug? Mercutio is supposed to be green.

Wasn't there a song about that once? "It's not easy being green?"

OK, now I'm confused...I thought Flagreen was the moderator for the next half of the year or something. ;) Is it both right now? I'm not playing favorites, I'm just misinformed, sorry about that.
 
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