Lost my brother-in-law.

Jake the Dog

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Last Friday, the world lost Geoffrey Wayne Bendle. He was my brother-in-law, my sisters husband to be exact.

An otherwise healthy person, non-drinker & non-smoker, Geoff was diagnosed as having an extremely rare degenerative disease 2 years ago. There is no cure for what he had. The only way to treat the severe symptoms of arthritic like crippling pain in joints and chronic fatigue was with drugs. These drugs had many a side affect, one of which decreased lung function which and as a result, caused significant lung damage.

A few months ago, it became obvious that Geoff would need a lung transplant, he was constantly suffering through bouts of pneumonia and other chest infections and his lungs were getting worse and worse. Throughout this time he continued working as best he could, never complaining. Four weeks ago Geoff was hospitalised (for the 10th time) with lung complications and things rapidly went downhill from there. Two weeks ago his lung function was down to 35% and he was considered to be in a serious condition. He had to fight for every single and now painful breath, each breath being barely enough. Finally he was put in top of the transplant list, Australia and New Zealand wide. He spent his last 48 awake hours with family and two breathing coaches as we all helped him fight and make every single breath before he could fight no longer and was put in two life support machines which was the last resort. The doctors told us he would only last a few days yet he managed to last nine days, mostly asleep whilst we wished like we have wished before and hoped like we have never hoped for a set of lungs to become available. We lost him last Friday afternoon.

I just want to tell you guys how sad I am, as anyone who met him is, and that the world really is a lesser place for having lost him. He was one of those rare people that was a genuinely nice person. People say these kind things about someone who has passed away but Geoff actually was one of these people. He was kind and considerate and somehow managed to be laughingly cheeky without ever offending anyone. The way he fought through those 48 hours, having to make every single breath count, and for the 9 days on life support, has shown me just how courage and strength he had. I can only hope I can be half as strong when my time is up.

He was a good person and good for my sister. For many many reasons, I will miss him dearly.

He was only 35.
 

Buck

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I'm sorry to hear about your families painful encounter with disease. Unforeseen occurrences can befall us all, and did come to pass with your brother in-law. As sad as death is, he is at least no longer in pain. What is left is the painful wound of his absence that as a family you will be able to heal over time.
 

Handruin

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I'm sorry to hear the sad news Jake. I hope he is now in a better place with no suffering. Best wishes to you, your family, and especially your sister.

-Doug
 

Clocker

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Jake-

My heart goes out to you and your family...especially your sister. Why is it that the worst things seem to happen to the best of people? I wish I could answer that question. If a better place after this life exists, I'm sure your brother-in-law is there.

Best wishes and hang in there.

Kevin
 

Mercutio

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It is unbelievably difficult to lose a loved one. There really isn't much that I could add there except to say that for someone so young to lose so long a struggle is truly heartbreaking. Your sister should have had so much more time.
 

jtr1962

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My condolences, Jake. It's at times like these that life can seem unfair. I can only hope for you and your sister that time will heal the pain and leave you with only cherished memories of your brother-in-law.
 

slo crostic

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Sincerest condolences to you, kirsty and all of your family jake, especially Jacqui. It is a great loss. My only wish is that I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. I would like to attend the funeral tomorrow to pay my respects and also to learn more of this marvellous man.

Best wishes to all

daggie
 

Tannin

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That's a terribly sad tale, Tim, and sadder still that, as so often in this life, there is no discernable right or reason to it.

It is often said that only the good die young, and rightly said, it seems. And yet sometimes I ponder this: I think, for example, of my own life - just 40-odd years thus far but already a very long time, or so it seems to me, so long that I cannot remember its beginning - and then I think of the life of a mayfly, which takes but a handful of mid-summer hours to pass from birth to maturity to death. Have I truly lived so many thousands of times longer than the mayfly? I think not, not in any but a strictly mechanistic sense. We all of us live just once, in that one long frozen moment we call the present.

Life is flame. It shines in the darkness of the world and when it is gone, that particular flame no longer sorrows, does not miss itself. It is just ... gone. All is peaceful.

It is like that for all of us, old or young, human or mayfly. All that remains is the warmth and enlightenment that those of us who remain a little longer drew from it. Remember that warmth, remember the joy, shed your tears, and be at peace, Tim. My thoughts are with you.

Tony
 

Prof.Wizard

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My condolences Tim...
it's always sad to lose a member of the family. My deepest condolences to your sister too...
 

Jake the Dog

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Thank you all for your kind words and condolences. Today was his funeral. Our families are relatively small yet over 300 people attended, quite a feat for someone who isn't famous or even well known. It just goes to show how many people lives he touched in a positive way, just by being the nice guy that he was.



My condolences to you too Vlad.
 

Vlad The Impaler

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Thanks, Jake. Not a day goes by when I don't reply what happened. Usually in the form of a flashback. Now I know what they mean by 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder'.
 
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