GIANT
Learning Storage Performance
Soon, everything went downhill fast and stayed there for quite a long time. After the hevvy metal hair-band thing finally died off, MTV sort of -- artistically speaking -- recovered in the very late '80s. But, by the early-to-mid '90s, everything was going straight to hell again.
Today, there are 2 MTV channels (maybe more to come, I’ve heard) playing non-stop crap. As bad as the early '80s MTV was, the MTVs of today are far worse, and so bad that even the utter pabulum that MTV regularly broadcasted 25 years ago seems, er... something worth reminiscing about!
- Huey Lewis & The News / I Want A New Drug: In their time, Huey News & The Lewis represented total mediocrity and banality. But, who can forget the image of Huey Lewis dunking his head into a sink full of ice water, still trying to sing the lyrics to this crappy song?
Styx / Mister Roboto: Only a pretentious and misguided band such as Styx could come up with this half-assed "rock opera" about preventing a mechanized future. At least once a year you should be able to catch Styx playing at your local Holiday Inn.
J. Geils Band / Centerfold: A particular loser picks up a pr0no magazine at his neighbourhood newsstand and discovers that an old girlfriend has spread her legs in the centerfold. The incident affects him deeply. Very average looking "sluts" dance around in skimpy lingerie.
Men At Work / Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive: The lyrics to this stupid song must have sounded quite inspiring after a couple of pints of Foster's.
Lionel Richie / Hello: "Tell me how to win your heart, I haven't got a clue..." as the lyrics go. Lionel Richie stalks a blind sculptress ('nuff said).
Loverboy / Hot Girls In Love: The video starts out with the band strutting and grunting like a bunch of imbeciles on top of a pyramid of powder kegs. Then, the camera cuts to a hot chick driving a yellow truck. She's got a great body but a close-up shot reveals that she's got more makeup caked on her face than Tammy Faye Baker. As she's driving along, all of a sudden, for some unknown reason, a barrel that reads "NITRO" starts chasing her truck. Then, we cut back to the band once again, dancing like a buncha idiots atop the pyramid of powder kegs. Now, we cut to the hot chick, who has mysteriously run out of fuel. She then gets out of the truck, and before you know it, she's strolling through a field of fuel pumps. Then, we cut back to the band members -- one of which is playing the drums with fuel nozzles. The video finally ends with a shot of the girl glaring straight at the camera like some cheap slut at a keg party who starts to look good after six or seven beers.
Pat Benatar / Love Is A Battlefield: A whacked-out floozy leaves home, decides to become a whore, seeks refuge in a cheap bar, and leads a weird dance ritual in torn clothes. Wild-haired participants flail around like Tourette’s Syndrome victims on crack. Some dude in a three-piece suit tries to hit on her, but she kicks his ass, then strolls off into the sunset.
Journey / Separate Ways: The setting is at a wharf. The band is playing invisible musical instruments. Lead singer Steve Perry (dressed in a muscle shirt) grimaces like he's constipated. The rest of the band members join in with some grotesque pseudo-macho posturing. Neal Schon even plays a stirring air guitar. Then, suddenly, a hot chick appears on the scene. Band members begin slobbering over hot chick. Video ends.
Corey Hart / Sunglasses At Night: It's nighttime. A dude wearing cheap sunglasses sits in a dumpy apartment. He starts mugging incessantly for the camera. All of a sudden, shadowy government officials are chasing him. Is he a spy? Who knows? He ends up in jail. He's still wearing sunglasses. It's still nighttime.
Haircut 100 / Love Plus One: A buncha total geeks in Hawaiian shirts dance around like the buncha fukkin' idiots they were.
