Willow me this . . .

Tannin

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Glob. That was a howler - "22 years long" indeed. Hand me those stupid pills, Tea, I obviously need to take more of them. I mean yards, of course, and yes, Slo, it works like this:

8 inches = about 1 link
12 inches = 1 foot
1 rod = 25 links
3 feet = 1 yard
1 pole = 1 rod
1 perch = 1 rod
22 yards = 1 chain
10 chains = 1 furlong
1 acre = 10 square chains
And various other Imperial measurements that I am too lazy to bother with.
 

Buck

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So, what was the significance of a link equaling 8-inches, or 22-yards equaling a chain? Imperial measurements! <tisk> :D
 

The Grammar Police

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Perhaps I should help Tannin out by describing the players. Seeing that he has started with an imaginary but representative South Africa vs Australia match, I'll try my hand at describing one of the imaginery but representative teams. To do this, I'll go in batting order - this is something that I think baseball teams have too. Broadly speaking, the idea is to send in your best batsmen first. There are several reasons for this: needing someone good enough to survive the new ball without getting out is one, wanting your best scorer to have as long as possible at the crease before he runs out of partners* is another.

Opener Tannin described this fellow. He is grim, dour, seldom smiles, and never laughs. He defends his wicket like a mother with an only child, never takes risks, and bores both bowlers and the members of the crowd to death. He gets his runs slowly, in ones and twos, and seems more interested in rotating the strike** than adding to the score. He is an expert at not hitting balls that do not threaten his stumps, and rarely plays an aggressive shot. Only when the bowler presents him with a complete gift of a ball does he stop defending and deign to dispatch it to the boundary with the heartless precision of a surgeon playing chess. Examples of this kind of opener include the "Little Master", India's Sunil Gavaskar, England's Geoff Boycott (possibly the most boring batsman of all time), and Australians Geoff Marsh and Bill Lawry.

Opener The other kind of opener believes that the best form of defence is attack. He strides to the crease utterly convinced of his own invincibility, laughs at the terrors of the opposition and proceeds to bludgeon them to all parts of the oval. If he manages to stay in for more than an hour or so, he has more or less won the game off his own bat. Needless to say, this kind of opener has to have a wonderful eye. Examples include Gordon Greenidge from the West Indies, Australia's Matthew Haydon, and for those with long memories, Keith Stackpole.

Obviously, these are stereotypes: most openers fall somewhere in between the two extremes, tending towards the former, and the really good ones can switch between them without warning. For example, England's Geoff Boycott, who was hated by a world of cricket lovers for the extreme boredom he induced in them by batting for two days at a time and scoring a run every twenty minutes or so, was perfectly capable of scoring fast when he put his mind to it (which was about once in 100 years, or seemed that way). I believe he still holds the record for one of the fastest test centuries ever made.

Number 3 Usually the best bat in the side. The Number Three has to be equally capable of coming in when the openers have done well and the score is 1 for 192, the bowlers are tired, the ball is soft, and the team wants some fast runs to gain an unbeatable lead, or coming in at the very start of the match when an opener gets out for nothing, the side is in trouble, and the ball is seaming around all over the place. Apologies to the many excellent number three batsmen over the years, but in this spot, even the best of them fade into insignificance when compared to the greatest of them all, Sir Donald Bradmam. (Who was undoubetdly the greatest cricketer who ever lived, and is arguably the greatest sportman ever born.)

Number 4 Rather like the Number 3 but perhaps a little less so. The middle order batsmen ( that's usually regarded as 4, 5 and 6) are heavy scorers.

Number 5 Generally the middle order players are less technically perfect and more inclined to take chances than the openers or the Number 3, but very exciting to watch. Ideally, they don't come in until the top order has already put a good score up, the ball is soft, the bowlers are tired, and the opposition captain has run out of ideas for getting batsmen out. Their role, rather like that of the cavalry in warfare, is to turn defeat into rout, to turn a solid score of 150 or 250 into a crushing, unbeatable score of perhaps 500.

Number 6 Last of the specialist batsmen. He is often very good at playing spin bowling (as by the time he comes in, the ball is old, the pitch is worn, and the opposition quicks have given way to their tweakers), and a master at "farming the strike" - taking a run on the last ball or second-last ball of the over*** so that the tailenders**** don't have to face the terrors of the bowling.

Number 7 Most commonly the wicketkeeper, or perhaps an all-rounder (a player who can both bat and bowl well). Most keepers are not specialist batsmen but, having a good eye and excellent reflexes as a keeper must, usually make a pretty good fist of it just the same. (I think the same applies to baseball catchers.) Most keepers bat at 7 unless there is a good all-rounder in the side, when they might drop down to 8. Traditionally, the wicketkeeper's job was regarded as so important that his ability to bat well was of little import - selectors would choose the best man with the gloves, come what may. In recent years, however, it has become fashionable to choose a keeper-batsman for both test and One Day International sides: one who might not be the absolute best with the gloves, but can score runs with the bat as well. A few keepers are top-class batsmen in their own right - Australia's Adam Gilchrist is regarded as one of the best two or three batsmen in the world, England's Alex Stuart often opens the batting for them - but these are exceptions. Most keepers bat at 7.

Number 8. Typically a bowler who can bat a bit, sometimes an all-rounder.

Number 9. Tail-enders who are moderately good with the bat usually come in one of two types: the swashbuckling one who scores fast but is prone to going out quickly (if he manages to stay in for any length of time he will often make 30 or 40, but he usually gets out trying to hit the cover off the ball), and the grafter who can't play attacking strokes to speak of but, limpet like, grimly defends his wicket for a long time. This second sort of tail-ender can be very valuable in some situations, particularly where all the recognised batsmen are out bar one (the number 5, let's say) and the grim defender can hold up one end, just scoring the odd run here and there, while the last 'proper batsman' continues to score heavily.

Number 10. Not much to say about his batting, except that it's better than the Number 11's.

Number 11. Quite often a complete nong with the bat. (What is that baseball situation in the World Series where the catcher bats in one league but never bats in the other league? You've seen the poor guy suddenly trying to step up to the plate for the first time since high school. Like that.) Watching a Number 11 bat is fun: he usually doesn't last for long, and the crowd back him to the hilt: every time he scores a run (if he scores a run) they cheer louder than they cheer when a Number 4 hits one out of the ground. Really hopeless Number 11s get cheered just for surviving a ball without getting out.




* Running out of partners. In cricket, there are two batsmen at any one time. In a completed innings, 10 eventually get out (bowled or caught or whatever) and the last one remains not out. With a breathtaking sense of imagination, he is called "the not out batsman". You can't bat on your own, always there are two.

** Rotating the strike. Bowlers like to get a batsman pinned down at one end and work him over, probing for a weakness. Batsmen like to score a run every few balls so that the bowlers never get to settle down into the rhythm of attacking one particular batsman. It's particularly good (from the batsman's point of view) to have a left-hand, right-hand combination at the crease, as it forces the bowlers to constantly readjust their line and tends to make them bowl more bad balls.

*** Over. An 'over' is six (or sometimes eight) balls. Bowlers take turns to bowl one over at a time. McGrath bowls six balls from the east end of the ground, then Gillespie bowls six from the other end. Then McGrath bowls again, and so on. The captain of the fielding side can choose anyone he likes to bowl, for as many overs as he wants. The only restriction is that no-one is allowed to bowl two overs in a row.

**** Tailenders. Usually numbers 8 to 11. They are specialist bowlers, not very good at batting, and tend to average perhaps 5 or 12, where a specialist batsman averages between 30 and 50. (Only the true greats average more than 50.)
 

Mercutio

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... and in some language, possibly even one that bears some semblance to the one I speak, all the stuff Grammar Police just wrote actually makes sense.**

*(Yes, I am hopeless at all things sport-related, with the possible exceptions of women's rythmic gymnastics or beach volleyball. Cricket, however, is a special kind of incomprehensible, even after careful reading of a number of Aussie-penned treatises on the subject).
 

Tea

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Slip on over for that spot of consultancy with Red Hill and I'll show you. Best sort of cricket is beach cricket.

YLP010.jpg


(Note the non-traditional stumps. For proper beach cricket, you use a rubbish bin, an Esky (beer cooler) or the cardboard box your refreshment of choice comes in. It's very important to empty the box first, of course.)

(PS: ball skills are optional. Laughter and made-up-on-the-spot rules are not optional.)
 

Tannin

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There was a picture I found searching for "beach" and "cricket" on Google that was possibly more to your taste. Alas, the sporting clothing worn by the young lady in question was a little too ... er .. what do you call it when "brief" is gross understatement ... for posting in this place.
 

Mercutio

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You just want to get the services of a well-qualified IT consultant/trainer at a scandalously low price. :p
 

Cliptin

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Before matches, during warm ups, do cricketers shag flies?

I think baseball players bat in an order determined by their defensive position and you rarely play more than one defensive position.
 

Buck

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Photo Galleries

BBC SPORT showcases the 4th Test,
Melbourne, with a photo gallery.



_38637773_gilchrist300ap.jpg

"The incredible morning comes to a close as Adam
Gilchrist keeps his composure to guide Australia
home" - BBC Sport
 
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