How many times should I help someone move?

[Mercutio]

Today I refused help my fiance's uncle move to a new apartment.

My reasoning: In three years, I've helped him move four times. Today would've been the fifth. Unless he's moving, I never see the guy. He didn't help when Amy and I moved into my apartment. Didn't even offer.
He's a high school teacher. He always gets some students to help, anyway.

So, opinions please, anyone think I'm out of line not wanting to carry dressers and sofas up and down two flights of stairs for the fifth time in three years?

 

[CougTek]

I would probably do it if asked. Not because I would like the guy but simply to do some exercice and see how much I improved since last moving (self challenge : carry alone the damn fridge up to the third floor!).

But I know you aren't very fond of physical efforts so if you don't care for the guy, let him dry.

 

[P5-133XL]

He is obviously using you. If you don't feel like being used, say no. However, if he asks why, be honest: He will never learn otherwise. Furthermore it has been my experiance that when you say no, you can kiss any future dealings with him goodbye. Users, always have easier marks and tend not to involve themselves in people they can't use. Since he is a relative, you can probably expect some unkind gossip as he tells others in the family how ungrateful you are. Luckly, he probably uses them too and thus his comments will probably be discounted.

Please note, at least some of the blame for the current situation falls on you. You have acted like an easy mark and when it came time to exchange your assistance for his, you did not ask but rather simply expected him to vollunteer. If you do not ask, you will not receive. People do not respect those that only give: One has to value yourself, for others to value you.

Another alternative to saying no, is to say yes and then look for opportunitites to ask for his help and then ask for it. With time the relationship may be recoverable this way.

 

[timwhit]

You should have lied and said that you hurt your back. This would have been easier on everybody.

 

[Mercutio]

I feel OK describing what this guy is doing as "using" me (moreso than Amy, who weighs all of 95lbs. and despite amazing spatial abilities, isn't much help in actually moving furniture).

That's the case I tried to make to her, too.

Now it's a debate. She helped - he's family to her, even though we only see him when he wants to move (he "bargain hunts" apartments, then signs six-month leases). I say the guys is just trying to get some free help out of us. I stayed home, knowing full well that he'll be moving again in October and wanting us to come again.

When we moved my oldest brother and his wife into his pala^H^H^H^H new home, he offered payment, at least, for our time. When neither Amy nor I took his money, we got thank you cards (with money inside, but the card meant more, IMHO).

I guess that's the difference. The card at least conveyed a sense of gratitude I've never gotten in any of the times we moved Amy's uncle.

 

[Prof.Wizard]

You should help the guy. But make him understand you are angry he calls you only when he needs you...

 

[flagreen]

Help him but be sure to drop the best furniture on the stairway. Make sure everything gets scratched and broken beyond repair as you move it. If he asks you to pay for damages, refuse to and deny you had anything to do with it even though everyone knows it was you. He will never ask you to help again. Problem solved.

 

[CougTek]

Help him but be sure to drop the best furniture on the stairway. Make sure everything gets scratched and broken beyond repair as you move it. If he asks you to pay for damages, refuse to and deny you had anything to do with it even though everyone knows it was you. He will never ask you to help again. Problem solved.

Hilarious Bill, I have stomach cramps because of you!

 

[Tannin]

Mark is 100% correct. Tell him no and tell him why, gently. Lying is always bad policy. But I think it would be worth your while to help him move next time. Just so long as he is moving to ... oh ... Durban, Perth, Moscow, Budapest, or Valparaiso.

 

[CougTek]

Mark is 100% correct. Tell him no and tell him why, gently. Lying is always bad policy. But I think it would be worth your while to help him move next time. Just so long as he is moving to ... oh ... Durban, Perth, Moscow, Budapest, or Valparaiso.

No Tannin, Colombia. They love the rich (compared to them) gringos down there.

 

[Mercutio]

There's a Valparaiso, Indiana, about 15 miles from where I live.

So did Tannin look at a map of Northwest Indiana, or was he simply referring to the city in Chile?

Either way it's funny.

 

[Tannin]

Damn! I didn't mean 15 miles away! No, seeing as I'd covered the other continents I was just trying to think of a place in South America. (OK, I forgot Asia. Moscow was probably close enough.)

 

[time]

Take some cold beer, sit in a chair, and say "I like to watch".

It's best if someone else carries in the chair. If you have to do it yourself, at least make sure it's comfy and has a footrest.

If others make sniping remarks, complain loudly and at length that you hurt your back carrying the chair. Or maybe climbing all those stairs.

To ward off boredom, offer helpful suggestions as to the best locations for furniture and anything else that springs to mind.

Scrutinize the place carefully for any flaws or possible shortcomings. Speculate about the consequences at the top of your voice so anyone still outside or in another room can hear.

Finally, don't forget to remind them that they should come and help you with your next move. After all, fair's fair.

 

[Prof.Wizard]

You guys are mean!!

 

[Fushigi]

I just moved. After relying on friends and those idiots at U-Haul for the past 15 years, I hired movers this time. No sore muscles, done in under half the time, and it didn't really cost that much more than self-moving would have once everything is considered (truck, mileage fees, gas, beer & pizza for friends, repair/replace the thing that inevitably gets damaged, etc.).

Moving every 6 months is probably costing more in moving/startup fees than he is saving on rent. It may also negatively impact his credit score as it denotes a lack of stability.

Since this person only communicates when your help is needed, you are under no obligation to provide assistance.

- Fushigi

 

[flagreen]

time said:

If others make sniping remarks, complain loudly and at length that you hurt your back carrying the chair. Or maybe climbing all those stairs.

That's the idea. Be sure to go to the Doctor afterwards to get the back checked out. Insist on an MRI. Of course you must present the medical bills to the Uncle for payment. If he won't pay, hire a Lawyer and sue the Bastard.

 

[Mercutio]

Damn, that's cold.

The last bit, I mean.

I've got to go along with Fushigi, though. I've watched professional movers do in hours what it takes me days to do. When I move out of this rat-hole where I live (soon, soon), movers are gonna do all the work.

 

[flagreen]

We're just having some fun Mercutio. I'm not serious at all.