The build is finished and surprisingly ended up with a Sound Blaster Live. I abandoned any hope of running DOS games on it when it refused to put anything in either PCI slot any lower than IRQ9. I then ran Windows 2000 on it for a while before chafing at issues with the Extended Kernel project for it (which usually works, I don't know why it failed here) and did an in-place upgrade to XP, something I don't think I've ever done before. What an odd process that was. A little spooky to see an XP install with a C:\WINNT installation directory. After some updates to make some software work that I wanted to use -- I'm partial to SumatraPDF rather than Foxit as Sumatra can also natively read stuff like ePubs, Mobis, CBZ/R/7 etc. -- I hit it with the inexperience patcher and curtailed system services to within an inch of their lives. It wasn't pretty fitting XP SP3 into 256MB of RAM, but I made it work. And then when I got it home (I'd been house/dogsitting for my aunt and uncle) I found my 512MB kit and maxed it out.
I think I have a better understanding now of precisely why people hate Creative drivers. I have one of the "good" SBLives -- not one of the later ones that call out being 24-bit as a feature, not an OEM card, it's just an SB0060 -- and the process for installing drivers was... heroic. The original CD that was for this model technically doesn't work on XP. And when I installed from it, it somehow... killed my taskbar. The slightest nub of one remained, but I couldn't do anything with it. Windows did warn me there would be compatibility issues with this software, which is a rare pop-up indeed, but I didn't believe it... thankfully, after forcibly updating the drivers (and harvesting the setup files it extracts for later new installations, as the package they come in tries to detect the card and fails without the old drivers installed) my taskbar came back and everything seems to be working fine now.
This is what a "good experience" with an SBLive is, supposedly. If I had an extra couple inches of clearance, I'd have saved the headache and used an Audigy2 that I already had on hand. But I didn't have the space inside, and I wanted actual EAX acceleration, so...
My one and only good interaction with AI so far was over this machine. I'd somehow wrecked my .NET installation so bad that PowerShell wouldn't start. After hours of searching with Google which has now been utterly neutered beyond comprehension, I turned to ChatGPT in desperation and it actually gave good advice -- just use the .NET cleanup tool and reinstall it all from scratch, first 2.0, then 3.5, then 4.0 again, then let LegacyUpdate chew on the update packages for it. Using the cleanup tool wasn't... quite that simple, and I had to go digging to clean up some registry keys, but it competently led me through that process too.
I wouldn't use this in production if you had a gun pointed at my head, but wasting an afternoon chasing that dragon on an "it's either this or reformatting" basis, it actually... somehow seemed to work out well. This time.