This might cheer up your day

Bozo

Storage? I am Storage!
Joined
Feb 12, 2002
Messages
4,395
Location
Twilight Zone
To all of you:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl ( Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.



I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.




Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us.

I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.




Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....



New Study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity
read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late



Bozo :joker: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:






 

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
Joined
Jan 17, 2002
Messages
20,788
Location
I am omnipresent
Website
s-laker.org
Bozo said:
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity
read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

Good thing those of us with sufficient brain activity know about the PgUp and PgDown keys...

And holy hell, what's with all the FONT markup?
 

LunarMist

I can't believe I'm a Fixture
Joined
Feb 1, 2003
Messages
15,677
Location
USA
It seems like paranoia to me. And what is one supposed to do while reading e-mail other than having a hand on the mouse, jerk off?
 

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
Joined
Jan 17, 2002
Messages
20,788
Location
I am omnipresent
Website
s-laker.org
ddrueding said:
If you can't jerk off and have your hand on the mouse at the same time, you aren't a real geek.

Real geeks use trackballs.
Needing to clear enough space around my keyboard to use a mouse offends me.
 

mubs

Storage? I am Storage!
Joined
Nov 22, 2002
Messages
4,908
Location
Somewhere in time.
I always immediately delete these chain emails. But I am coonstantly astounded by how many otherwise rational, educated, smart people actually scratch their heads to find the requsite number of people to send it to. Especially when most everybodey they know has already been sent a copy by a previous recepient. :-D

Once I got an email from an acquaintance who I hadn't heard from (any form of communication) in years. I opened the email to find a chain letter. This guy's an extremely successful Ph.D. The letter warned of dire consequences for ignoring it. Must have acted as a laxative for him.
 

LunarMist

I can't believe I'm a Fixture
Joined
Feb 1, 2003
Messages
15,677
Location
USA
Mercutio said:
Real geeks use trackballs.
Needing to clear enough space around my keyboard to use a mouse offends me.

Luck you. A trackball is to painful for me to use for any length of time. Anyway, my Wacom takes more of the desk space.
 

ddrueding

Fixture
Joined
Feb 4, 2002
Messages
19,315
Location
Monterey, CA
Mercutio said:
Needing to clear enough space around my keyboard to use a mouse offends me.

My mouse requires all of 40sq.in. of desk space. More is consumed by my arm resting on the desk, or by my headphones, or by the plate of food. Much more was freed up by wallmounting the LCD or the speakers. Not to mention the fact that my keyboard and mouse are wireless, thus not needing to consume any space on the desk at all; the keyboard works fine in my lap, and the mouse tracks well on my (admittedly wide) thigh.
 
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