Which reminds me .....
My grandmother (well, my step-grandmother, actually - she's a relative of Tannin's) had a cockatoo she was very fond of. It had actually belonged to her grandmother originally, but outlived two generations of humans.
Anyway, one morning she found it lying on the bottom of its cage, not moving. Fearing the worst, she rang for a taxi and, cradling it tenderly in her wrinkled old hands, raced off to the vet.
The vet examined the poor old parrot carefully, and then turned to the old lady and said:
"Mrs Tannin, I'm afraid your cockatoo is dead."
"But she can't be! I've known her for 80 years!"
"Nevertheless, madam, there is nothing I can do, except offer my deepest sympathy to you."
"But .... but .. there must be something you can do. Can't you run some more tests or something? What's all this fancy equipment for?"
"No madam, I'm sorry. It's a very clear diagnosis. This is a dead parro ... er .. cockatoo."
"But you haven't even tried you horrible little man!"
"Well, I could try —"
"Yes. Please do. At once!"
"Yes, madam."
So the vet turned around, opened the door to the surgery, and whistled. After a few moments, a large black dog trotted in, an old, grey-muzzled Labrador. The vet pointed at the cockatoo and nodded. The dog put its paws up on the examination table and carefully sniffed the bird, then walked around to the other side and sniffed again. After a few minutes of this, the dog barked twice, looked at the vet, and shook its head. The vet nodded and the dog trotted off.
The vet glanced at my grandmother, saw that she was still not satisfied, and without being asked, walked to the door again and rapped smartly on it. Rat-a-tat-tat!
After a few moments, a sleek, well-groomed Siamese cat padded in. Again, the vet pointed at the cockatoo, and then pointed at a high shelf near the table. The cat jumped up onto the shelf and sat, facing the body of the cockatoo and looking it over as carefully as ever a cat watched a mousehole. For five minutes, nobody moved. Then the cat suddenly stood up, looked at the vet, and shook its head. Silently, it slunk out with its tail between its legs.
"Well, Mrs Tannin, that's final, I'm afraid. There is no doubt at all now."
"There is nothing else you can do?"
"No madam."
"Very well. I understand. Now, how much do I owe you, young man?"
"A hundred and sixty dollars, madam."
"A hundred and sixty dollars! That's ridiculous! You didn't do anything!"
"There was nothing I could do, madam. But specialised procedures are expensive and you did ask for the cat scan and the lab report."