Hey there Mercutio. Sorry to hear about your recent (and ongoing) troubles. I really hope things improve for you soon.
Actually the reason I (and my cohorts) haven't been around here much over the past month or so is because I'm trying to develop a life of sorts ... but that's another story.
As everyone else is offering "meeting people" advice, I'll add mine:
Go to a bookstore. Preferably a large one with a cafe (that'll make things easier), although a nice small one with a cafe very close by might be ok. Peruse the store. Take your time (it's best if you can afford a couple of hours for this). Get used to the surroundings enough that you're relaxed there. Maybe try a specialty coffee in the cafe. If getting used to the place takes a few trips, that's fine.
When you're cool with the store itself, start paying attention to the other people in the store with you.
If you see someone interesting, take a look at what category of books they're looking at. Consider the possibility that it's one of those subjects you've always wondered about, but never really found an easy way into understanding. With that in mind, say something like, "excuse me, but do you know anything about winemaking?" (or whatever subject they're looking at) "My aunt lost her job recently and has been wondering about starting her own wine business ... but it seems like such a big task, and she really doesn't have much information about what's involved. Can you by any chance suggest a good book?" Say something like that in as honest a fashion as possible (this is why it's best to have picked a subject you really don't know much about, but really would like to know about). Remember to smile whenever convenient.
If they reply with, "Oh, I don't work here, I can't really say," it could be a polite way of telling you they're not interested in chit-chat. Or, more likely, it's because you've caught them off guard. Keep the conversation going with something like, "Oh well the staff here are really nice and they try to be helpful, but I've been coming here off and on for a year or so and I always find that they don't really know much about the subject matter. I'm really not sure I'd trust their knowledge of vineyards and wineries. Besides, I always find it great to get an honest opinion from someone other than those who are actually selling the books, you know?" Doing that will get the other person into "conversation mode" AND it will give them the time they need to put some thoughts together.
If at that point they say, "No, sorry, I really don't think I can help," then thank them and continue looking through the books. Call it a day at that point if you want, or try again with someone else later.
BUT, if the person does reply with some good advice (remember this can be on any topic of your choosing) then just try and keep the conversation going in an honest fashion. If you can't, don't worry about it! This is the important part Mercutio: if you can even get a paragraph's worth of conversation from a stranger, you're DOING REALLY WELL. There's no hurry here! Try again later, either that day or maybe next month - whatever you feel up to. Chances are that, if you try this a few times - even if it takes you two years - eventually you'll land a topic that you're interested in, and you'll found someone who is very willing to talk about it.
Once you've got the conversation rolling, this is where the location kicks in. When you've talked for a few minutes, while the conversation is still going strong, ask if you can take the conversation over to the cafe and buy them a coffee. There could not possibly be a less imposing way of getting someone to talk to you at a table. They're practically already there! Remember, just ask honestly. If they say no, it's not some kind of tragedy. Like I say, even a paragraph of conversation with a stranger is a good thing! Just smile and say ok and either continue the conversation or move on, depending on how things are at that point.
I've said to choose a topic you don't know much about because people (males and females alike) are more likely to start a conversation with you if A) you're looking for help, and B) they're in a conversation where from the start the assumption is that they know more about the topic than you. But as I say, the topic you start with is your own choice. Also remember to pick a topic you're genuinely interested in - honesty is easier to display when, well, when it's honest. Also, think ahead about the topic. If you can bring up the conversation in the context of it's you looking for information for your mother, or your elderly neighbor, then you immediately get a few brownie points because you're apparently a nice person who cares about others. Also, you can bring up people you know who are involved in the topic to make the conversation more interesting, saying something like, "I have a friend who lives in Australia who recently started his own vineyard - he suggested a bookstore would be the best place to start looking for information." You know. That sort of thing. Bringing in more items to the conversation allows for more tangents ... for example the other person might then say, "Oh really? My parents are from Australia. Where exactly in Australia does your friend live?" You never know. Sometimes the conversation just takes on a life of its own, and sometimes it doesn't. There's nothing wrong with either result.
You can absolutely handle conversations like that Mercutio. I have total faith in you there - I've been reading StorageReview and StorageForum for ... geez ... maybe 3 years now? There is no doubt in my mind that people would be interested in meeting you - YOU JUST NEED SOME EXPOSURE. And some confidence. And the understanding that it takes time, and that one or more cases where things don't go spectacularly is just more practice - not a bad thing.
Try a bookstore. That's my vote.
Actually the reason I (and my cohorts) haven't been around here much over the past month or so is because I'm trying to develop a life of sorts ... but that's another story.
As everyone else is offering "meeting people" advice, I'll add mine:
Go to a bookstore. Preferably a large one with a cafe (that'll make things easier), although a nice small one with a cafe very close by might be ok. Peruse the store. Take your time (it's best if you can afford a couple of hours for this). Get used to the surroundings enough that you're relaxed there. Maybe try a specialty coffee in the cafe. If getting used to the place takes a few trips, that's fine.
When you're cool with the store itself, start paying attention to the other people in the store with you.
If you see someone interesting, take a look at what category of books they're looking at. Consider the possibility that it's one of those subjects you've always wondered about, but never really found an easy way into understanding. With that in mind, say something like, "excuse me, but do you know anything about winemaking?" (or whatever subject they're looking at) "My aunt lost her job recently and has been wondering about starting her own wine business ... but it seems like such a big task, and she really doesn't have much information about what's involved. Can you by any chance suggest a good book?" Say something like that in as honest a fashion as possible (this is why it's best to have picked a subject you really don't know much about, but really would like to know about). Remember to smile whenever convenient.
If they reply with, "Oh, I don't work here, I can't really say," it could be a polite way of telling you they're not interested in chit-chat. Or, more likely, it's because you've caught them off guard. Keep the conversation going with something like, "Oh well the staff here are really nice and they try to be helpful, but I've been coming here off and on for a year or so and I always find that they don't really know much about the subject matter. I'm really not sure I'd trust their knowledge of vineyards and wineries. Besides, I always find it great to get an honest opinion from someone other than those who are actually selling the books, you know?" Doing that will get the other person into "conversation mode" AND it will give them the time they need to put some thoughts together.
If at that point they say, "No, sorry, I really don't think I can help," then thank them and continue looking through the books. Call it a day at that point if you want, or try again with someone else later.
BUT, if the person does reply with some good advice (remember this can be on any topic of your choosing) then just try and keep the conversation going in an honest fashion. If you can't, don't worry about it! This is the important part Mercutio: if you can even get a paragraph's worth of conversation from a stranger, you're DOING REALLY WELL.
There's no hurry here! Try again later, either that day or maybe next month - whatever you feel up to. Chances are that, if you try this a few times - even if it takes you two years - eventually you'll land a topic that you're interested in, and you'll found someone who is very willing to talk about it.Once you've got the conversation rolling, this is where the location kicks in. When you've talked for a few minutes, while the conversation is still going strong, ask if you can take the conversation over to the cafe and buy them a coffee. There could not possibly be a less imposing way of getting someone to talk to you at a table.
They're practically already there! Remember, just ask honestly. If they say no, it's not some kind of tragedy. Like I say, even a paragraph of conversation with a stranger is a good thing! Just smile and say ok and either continue the conversation or move on, depending on how things are at that point.I've said to choose a topic you don't know much about because people (males and females alike) are more likely to start a conversation with you if A) you're looking for help, and B) they're in a conversation where from the start the assumption is that they know more about the topic than you. But as I say, the topic you start with is your own choice. Also remember to pick a topic you're genuinely interested in - honesty is easier to display when, well, when it's honest. Also, think ahead about the topic. If you can bring up the conversation in the context of it's you looking for information for your mother, or your elderly neighbor, then you immediately get a few brownie points because you're apparently a nice person who cares about others. Also, you can bring up people you know who are involved in the topic to make the conversation more interesting, saying something like, "I have a friend who lives in Australia who recently started his own vineyard - he suggested a bookstore would be the best place to start looking for information." You know. That sort of thing. Bringing in more items to the conversation allows for more tangents ... for example the other person might then say, "Oh really? My parents are from Australia. Where exactly in Australia does your friend live?" You never know. Sometimes the conversation just takes on a life of its own, and sometimes it doesn't. There's nothing wrong with either result.
You can absolutely handle conversations like that Mercutio. I have total faith in you there - I've been reading StorageReview and StorageForum for ... geez ... maybe 3 years now? There is no doubt in my mind that people would be interested in meeting you - YOU JUST NEED SOME EXPOSURE.
And some confidence. And the understanding that it takes time, and that one or more cases where things don't go spectacularly is just more practice - not a bad thing. Try a bookstore. That's my vote.
