Hilarious Jokes and Not So Not So Funny

[its.fubar]

"You might be a redneck if ..."



You might be a redneck if ...

Your mother in law gave birth to you

If you call your teacher a "yungun"

If your church preaches the word of Willie Nelson

If you harassed Paula Jones and had sex with Monica Lewenski

If you think redneck jokers otta be hanged

If HBO wasn't allowed to Document you because of FCC decency codes

If your wife can fart for over an hour nonstop

If every song you ever heard has the words "honkytonk" and "jukebox" in it

If you see intelligent people on Jerry Springer

If your cat is an Endangered species

If you thought The Lockhorns is your life story

If your sister is named "Billy-Sue"

If your wife has more hair on her legs than her head, but not as much as is on your back

 

[Jake the Dog]

Three Canadians and three Americans are traveling by train to a hockey game.

At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. "How are the three people
going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an American. "Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian.

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby. Once the train
leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."