I'm open to suggestions but remember that my options are ridiculously limited here.
Well...how strongly do you desire real female companionship?
I'm open to suggestions but remember that my options are ridiculously limited here.
Maybe if you did not hang around at the erotic dance club so much, and found a wholesome activity instead, you'd find more appropriate female companionship.
I disagree. People who consider themselves "wholesome" are about as unattractive as it gets; usually religious or otherwise simple minded. What you want is functionally weird. I'm not saying that strippers are it, but that is a lot closer than "wholesome".
:skepo: The extreme irony of this post was not lost on me.I disagree. People who consider themselves "wholesome" are about as unattractive as it gets; usually religious or otherwise simple minded. What you want is functionally weird. I'm not saying that strippers are it, but that is a lot closer than "wholesome".
:skepo: The extreme irony of this post was not lost on me.
Wholesome is one trait of many and everyone has their own definition for it. You've mentioned on several occasions that there is little to nothing there in the area you're in. If there is truly nothing there and that's truly the thing blocking you from being happier and even finding a lady friend who isn't best friends with the pole...move somewhere else.
I can assure you that moving into the Silicon Valley, particularly around Palo Alto/Los Altos would increase your chances of finding someone tenfold. There are geeky graduate students and others more our age. I could introduce you to an entire house full of them.
There is little to nothing here, but I have absolutely no evidence that moving anywhere else would improve my fortunes.
I'd also like to say that sex work is a job, not a personal indictment. People can be manipulative pieces of crap whether or not they take off their clothes for money. Most of the women I know who strip would say they're just being more honest about it.
What would it hurt to try? You won't confirm your theory without verification/validation.
Not a personal indictment? Every time you reference your friend, remind me how you refer to her as?
Of course, taking my path means learning to enjoy your own company and just accepting being alone much of the time. .
I sort of see it as a failure of my basic humanity that I'm not appealing enough to be worthy of a relationship.
Of course I would feel like shit if I put in a huge amount of effort trying for a relationship but coming up empty. In fact, a friend of mine was in exactly that position a few years back. It's only human to feel that way. I spent much of my early to late 20s walking aimlessly around NYC, or riding the subways, looking for someone whom might have instilled the desire in me to do something totally uncharacteristic-namely just start chatting with a total stranger and see where it leads. I figured this was the only thing which might work because the usual channels where I might meet someone weren't options. The club/bar scene wouldn't have worked for me. School was a great way to meet girls, but I was long done with it. The online world didn't exist. Well, I never found anyone. After being depressed as hell about it for a long time, I figured searching for something like that is bound to end in failure. Maybe the problem was in me because I was/am really particular about what I find appealing physically/personally, but if I sought anything less I would be doing a disservice both to them and myself. I would be settling, for lack of a better word. Many people you know who might be in relationships are only in relationships because they settled. That's why 50% of marriages end in divorce, and probably 75% of the other 50% suck. People just stop looking because they reason that this is the best they're going to find.I sort of see it as a failure of my basic humanity that I'm not appealing enough to be worthy of a relationship. That sort of mindset is the result of spending years and years and years of doing the needle in a haystack thing, but try spending four or five hours a week trying to make a connection on a dating site and see if you don't come away feeling like a complete piece of shit.
If you apply these same traits in discussions with the various females in your online dating, perhaps similar things are happening? It's ok to not prove your point sometimes.
Many people you know who might be in relationships are only in relationships because they settled. That's why 50% of marriages end in divorce, and probably 75% of the other 50% suck. People just stop looking because they reason that this is the best they're going to find.
You are missing something fundamental: There are no discussions. On sites that allow users to track visitors to a personal profile (I know that you're familiar with OKCupid, for example), it's actually incredibly unusual that a message, regardless of how formal, casual, conversational, florid, terse, witty or un-invested I might craft a message, even get a profile visit in return, let along a reply to a message. Now, you can think I'm a specific sort of unapologetic asshole and I do not disagree with you, but at the same time you have to acknowledge that writing is something that plays to my strengths. I would not care to guess what percentage of messages I've sent have resulted in replies; I'm sure it's best expressed as a fraction of 1%.
It's also true that almost every human will at some point form an intimate relationship for at least some time in their life. It is not pleasant to be part of the minority that have not done so as I approach middle age.
Bubble sort is really slow compared to most others. Typically it depends on the underlying data structure of the list/vector, but most go with either a merge sort or a quick sort. Or the bright programmers use a binary search tree like a AVL or Red-Black tree where items are naturally sorted and insertions/deletions are typically O(log n) in performance (which is better than most list or vector structures).For those who love geeky things, this video was really neat. My buddy sent it to me and I really appreciated seeing and hearing how different sorting algorithms work. Bubble sort looks to be incredibly slow.
Your writing is certainly a strength, but it can also be a weakness if you always use it to its highest level.
I was on and off those sites are various times with limited success. I refined profiles and focused on spending time away from it and with friends/family. Things eventually worked out, but maybe the area I live in has more available women?
Bubble sort is really slow compared to most others. Typically it depends on the underlying data structure of the list/vector, but most go with either a merge sort or a quick sort. Or the bright programmers use a binary search tree like a AVL or Red-Black tree where items are naturally sorted and insertions/deletions are typically O(log n) in performance (which is better than most list or vector structures).
This is an extreme, but in the past it hasn't been unusual for me to build an acquaintance into a relationship over the course of 4-6 3-hour+ barbeques or (in one case) a full weekend worth of wedding rehearsals/associated events. You are complex, and willing to adapt for the right person. Both of those take time to appreciate.
]That music reminds me quite a bit of some of the electronic/dub-step things I've been listening to lately. They all agree somehow, but the joy is identifying the individual threads and following one for a while.
Same problem here. I have friends, but none of them really do things where you might meet females, and none have lots of unattached female friends.... yeah. I just don't have friends that I do stuff with.
You can find other interest groups (not specifically dating) here: www.meetup.com
This is why school for me was a great way to meet females. You're forced to share space in the classroom, so the time is there to appreciate people you might otherwise quickly dismiss. And you always meet others through your friends. I had lots of friendships of varying levels with females through high school. I fell in love a few times. Once I even had that love returned. Unfortunately all that stopped in college because college was a mix of people from all over the country, versus high school being all people from NYC. There's some truth to the fact that you get along best with those who have similar experiences to yourself. For me, my social life, such as it was, reached a high point in high school and it's been all down hill since other than the first semester when I commuted to college (the second semester of my sophomore year). I rode the subway with the girl I had fallen for two years earlier. She got off the train a few stops before me. This was in 1982. She was a high school senior at the time. It was nice for the short time it lasted. I wish I would have found a way to take things to the next level but I honestly felt we were both way too young to get really serious. Also, not having much experience with what was out there, there was the lingering doubt that maybe love blinded me, and there was something better out there. After 30 years and seeing what others I know hooked up with, I can unequivocally say for me there wouldn't have been anyone better out there. I have few regrets in life. Not having at least a long term relationship with this girl is my deepest regret.This is an extreme, but in the past it hasn't been unusual for me to build an acquaintance into a relationship over the course of 4-6 3-hour+ barbeques or (in one case) a full weekend worth of wedding rehearsals/associated events. You are complex, and willing to adapt for the right person. Both of those take time to appreciate.
There's loads of things like that in NYC but the big problem is my hobby interests mean these groups would be 99% male (except maybe for biking, which can be mixed company). Also, running my own business with its crazy schedule pretty much precludes being able to do anything with regular meetings. And lately with my mom not being able to do as much I'm taking on most of the chores associated with running the household. Like I said earlier, if I meet someone it'll be just in the course of living my life. I went through the entire looking around stage with zero results and I don't want to go through that again. The one time in my life I was in love it just dropped into my lap, so to speak. I think that's telling me not to look too hard, but rather to just be patient.I'm sure they must have things in New York that can meet similar interests for you jtr? There has to be a biking group, or even an electronics group.
There's loads of things like that in NYC but the big problem is my hobby interests mean these groups would be 99% male (except maybe for biking, which can be mixed company). Also, running my own business with its crazy schedule pretty much precludes being able to do anything with regular meetings. And lately with my mom not being able to do as much I'm taking on most of the chores associated with running the household. Like I said earlier, if I meet someone it'll be just in the course of living my life. I went through the entire looking around stage with zero results and I don't want to go through that again. The one time in my life I was in love it just dropped into my lap, so to speak. I think that's telling me not to look too hard, but rather to just be patient.
You can find other interest groups (not specifically dating) here: www.meetup.com