Something Random

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
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Anything you can do to help her out or is she too far gone at this point?

I don't have any control over her behavior. If I said she couldn't drink while she stays with me, she'd just drink someplace else and then drive here. I give her a place to stay, which at least keeps her from doing THAT. I have known alcoholics who have straightened themselves out. It does happen. I'm hoping she has a moment of clarity before a health or legal problem becomes more pressing for her.
 

LunarMist

I can't believe I'm a Fixture
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I don't have any control over her behavior. If I said she couldn't drink while she stays with me, she'd just drink someplace else and then drive here. I give her a place to stay, which at least keeps her from doing THAT. I have known alcoholics who have straightened themselves out. It does happen. I'm hoping she has a moment of clarity before a health or legal problem becomes more pressing for her.

She probably needs a few months of rehab including therapy. I hope you don't end up with a legal problem because of her. You deserve a better life, too.
 

Handruin

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I don't have any control over her behavior. If I said she couldn't drink while she stays with me, she'd just drink someplace else and then drive here. I give her a place to stay, which at least keeps her from doing THAT. I have known alcoholics who have straightened themselves out. It does happen. I'm hoping she has a moment of clarity before a health or legal problem becomes more pressing for her.

I wasn't suggesting you give ultimatums like not drinking. I meant more about talking to her and/or supporting her in getting help in whatever ways she might need. You already seem to be putting in a decent amount of effort to give her a roof over her head so you must care a little about what's happening to her.
 

Stereodude

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Unless she's paying rent and Merc really needs the money and cant find another who will pay the same amount I'm not certain why he still has this particular roommate. :scratch:
 

Mercutio

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Unless she's paying rent and Merc really needs the money and cant find another who will pay the same amount I'm not certain why he still has this particular roommate. :scratch:

She's been my friend for years and she truly has nowhere else to go. Next stop for her is probably going to be a women's shelter unless she can find some other way to live.
 

Stereodude

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She's been my friend for years and she truly has nowhere else to go. Next stop for her is probably going to be a women's shelter unless she can find some other way to live.
It sounds like you're her doormat... Let me guess she's not paying rent either. How often are you babysitting?
 

jtr1962

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She's been my friend for years and she truly has nowhere else to go. Next stop for her is probably going to be a women's shelter unless she can find some other way to live.
The real problem here is if anything happens to her you may well end up with a child you don't want and are ill-equipped to take care of. Does she have family members who will take the child if anything happens to her?

I understand why you want to help her. Indeed, if not for my parents letting me stay at home without paying rent I would have been homeless myself. Given that, if in the future I knew someone in a similar situation I probably would feel obligated to help to the best of my ability. Not sure though if I could tolerate small children 24/7. I have a constitutional dislike for kids in general.
 

snowhiker

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Unless she's paying rent and Merc really needs the money and cant find another who will pay the same amount I'm not certain why he still has this particular roommate. :scratch:

Merc wrote that she is a friend. Friends help friends. As long as she is not pushing Merc down hill or negatively disrupting his life, what's the problem? Didn't Merc write up-thread that she cooks/cleans and does bring over her friends, which would be other girls? I guess there's some monetary value in those things. How you'd quantify those things are up to Merc I guess.

SD you have a wife. From what I can guess it's a good/stable relationship. You have somebody. Merc doesn't. He has mentioned that he probably will never have someone (same with me, jtr, etc?). It's nice to have somebody around even if it's not a perfect situation.

I do appreciate how you, and others here, are pointing out all the negative things that can happen if Merc allows an abusive/addicted person to live with him. But ultimately it's up to Merc to make that decision.

The adult woman living with Merc may never "get better" but at least the child has a "normal-ish" living situation and will be less likely to be "damaged" the longer she lives with Merc. From a purely utilitarian standpoint Merc is preventing a damaged child from growing up to be another drag on society and for that he should be thanked.
 

LunarMist

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This is f*cjer up situations and unstable. Sometimes it must run the course. :(
 

jtr1962

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Merc wrote that she is a friend. Friends help friends. As long as she is not pushing Merc down hill or negatively disrupting his life, what's the problem? Didn't Merc write up-thread that she cooks/cleans and does bring over her friends, which would be other girls? I guess there's some monetary value in those things. How you'd quantify those things are up to Merc I guess.
There is some value in cooking/cleaning. There may or may not be value in bringing over other girls, depending upon whether or not they're hooked up, addicts themselves, or attractive/unattractive.

He has mentioned that he probably will never have someone (same with me, jtr, etc?). It's nice to have somebody around even if it's not a perfect situation.

I hate to say this but I'm not so sure about that. Right now with my mother going through the early stages of dementia, with the angry/incoherent outbursts often accompanying that, my situation is analogous to that of being in a bad marriage but with none of the potential benefits. I'm doing all the cooking and most of the cleaning at this point, too. Granted, this is my mother so I'm OK with it but I wouldn't tolerate a similar situation with someone who is not an immediate blood relative.
 

LunarMist

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Family is entirely different. Anyway, Merc knows the deal and is probably not enjoying this kind of attention.
 

Handruin

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Unless she's paying rent and Merc really needs the money and cant find another who will pay the same amount I'm not certain why he still has this particular roommate. :scratch:

Fringe benefits? ;)

Life and people are not always quite black and white like that. There may be a benefit of having another human companionship that offers them both values that none of us can directly appreciate. Merc's a smart guy and hinted lately of having more introspective thoughts. There's more at play here.
 

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
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I more or less live in my bedroom, even if I'm by myself. That's just my habit. I have more living space than I need and I don't mind sharing. Having company has real value for me. I know I'm not going to meet a romantic partner living where I do but I do place value on coming home to someone. Is that being a doormat or is it just kindness for someone who needs it?
 

Mercutio

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I noticed that Slashdot's headline on Backblaze is still incorrectly reporting that Seagate drives are the least reliable, when we know exactly what worst drives are.
 

Stereodude

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He could also just be, you know, nice?
Well, I'm going to politely bow out of this specific topic even though I started shifting the conversation in this way. Merc didn't ask for comments from the peanut gallery and I shouldn't have started. I can't undo that, but I can stop fueling the fire since he didn't ask for my or anyone else's input.
 

LunarMist

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I noticed that Slashdot's headline on Backblaze is still incorrectly reporting that Seagate drives are the least reliable, when we know exactly what worst drives are.

I don't see many helium drives. Are they any less reliable so far?
 

Mercutio

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I suppose we'll find out if Helium drive are more reliable when Backblaze buys more than 45 of them and starts reporting numbers.
 

jtr1962

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Well shit. I apologize. Don't know how I missed you not being married or though you were still married. Again sorry for that.
I think this was the first time he mentioned it. I don't recall reading anything about him not being married until yesterday.

I'm always sorry to see a potential union between two people not work out. On the bright side, at least no children are involved. Children always complicate a split. I know this all too well from my sister's divorce a few years ago after a 17-year marriage. Again, probably good SD and his former wife realized it wasn't going to work long before they spent 10 or 15 or 20 years of their lives in a bad marriage.
 

snowhiker

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Well, I'm going to politely bow out of this specific topic even though I started shifting the conversation in this way. Merc didn't ask for comments from the peanut gallery and I shouldn't have started. I can't undo that, but I can stop fueling the fire since he didn't ask for my or anyone else's input.

I think your comments posted up thread are valuable. It's good to hear "all sides" of an issue. But, perhaps you are correct and the peanut gallery should STFU unless/until Merc posts more about his living situation.

And besides Merc did post his living situation here, and if he wasn't interested in comments (which he knew he'd get) he wouldn't have posted.
 

Stereodude

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Well shit. I apologize. Don't know how I missed you not being married or thought you were still married. Again sorry for that.
Well, I never posted anything about it so it's not like you could have known.

I think this was the first time he mentioned it. I don't recall reading anything about him not being married until yesterday.
Correct.

Again, probably good SD and his former wife realized it wasn't going to work long before they spent 10 or 15 or 20 years of their lives in a bad marriage.
Don't go congratulating me too quickly. I put in just over 11 years.
 

jtr1962

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Don't go congratulating me too quickly. I put in just over 11 years.
Ouch! I didn't realize you had been married for that long. For what it's worth, my parents spent nearly 45 years in a bad marriage, basically the best years of their lives. My mom endured it for her children. We would have been in poverty otherwise. She went out on disability in her early 40s. On the plus side, she was left with the house free and clear and my father's pension when he died. Anyway, 11 years is still a long time but hopefully at least some of those years were happy ones. I honestly can't remember any happy years in my parent's marriage. That's one reason I've been sour to the idea of hooking up with someone for my entire life.
 

sedrosken

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With so many marriages ending in divorce, I don't know if I will be getting married at all -- and that's even if I can get far enough with someone that it'd be an option.

My dad's marriage lasted nearly six years -- but again, at least some of the years were happy ones... for them anyway.
 

LunarMist

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I suppose we'll find out if Helium drive are more reliable when Backblaze buys more than 45 of them and starts reporting numbers.

They seem to use a lot of unqualified drives for mass storage. What do large organizations like the Google use?
 

timwhit

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With so many marriages ending in divorce, I don't know if I will be getting married at all -- and that's even if I can get far enough with someone that it'd be an option.

My dad's marriage lasted nearly six years -- but again, at least some of the years were happy ones... for them anyway.

Divorce rates are wildly divergent depending on demographics.

We just celebrated our sixth anniversary in July.
 

LunarMist

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Grrr! For about the 5th time this week I accidentally turned off the computer by pressing the power button with the inside of my knee. Am I the only one?
 
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