Wish me luck

[Mercutio]

Amy and her partner Kim moved back to Indiana last week.
Amazingly - stunningly, one of the first things they did after they got their dishes put away was to call me, to invite me over.
It's been long enough, I guess.

So I went over to their house, so nervous that I was ready to vomit, ready to make for the door, my voice with a stutter it's never had before.

But it went... OK, at least. I helped a bit with some computer things, ate with them, and sat down for a long evening of getting to know both of them. Amy's partner and I have a lot in common (movies, comics, Amy...), and I was surprised at how well we all got along, considering the farcical levels of awkwardness involved in the situation.

It felt really good. Really, really good. I talked to someone about things that had nothing to do with computers, or billable hours, or schedules.

But I didn't think anything would come of it; I left with the impression that the main reason I was there was the computer help (which is fine, actually. The help was needed and I would've done it for anyone who asked).

Just a few minutes ago I got a e-mail asking if I'd like to come over again. Only this time there isn't any computer to fix. Which suggests that perhaps my company is actually welcome. Either that, or they've already broken their computers. In either case, I'm simply thrilled at the prospect.

Being welcome may very well be the best thing that's happened to me in over two years.

 

[Will Rickards WT]

Good Luck!
And you are always welcome here.

 

[jtr1962]

I'm happy for you, and also glad Amy wants you to be a part of her life. I guess all the patience on your part when she was going through a very difficult time in her life paid off. Additionally, since you and her had been close for so long, I'm sure she found her life was incomplete without including you at some level. Best of luck to you, and if it's any consolation I would probably be as nervous as hell if put in a similar situation.

 

[Tannin]

The secret with these things, Merc, is retaining balance. You decide how large or how small a part of your life it is going to be (not too large) and you take responsibility for making sure that other parts of your life retain interest.

If you find that you are thinking too much about it, it's time to back off a little. Don't be like a moth and a candle.

 

[ddrueding]

Best wishes Mercutio. Relationships are funny things; when there are actual emotions involved, all the rules go out the window. Just be sure to watch your step and yourself first.

 

[Handruin]

I hope things work out for the best. You've been through a lot, I hope the outcome of this brings you some happiness. Part of me would be a bit worried, but not having the emotional attachment gives me a different outlook. As ddrueding said, all the rules go out the window.

 

[Howell]

Go slow. Have resonable expectations. Heck, the other girl is probably looking for a guy as thoughtfull as you too.

 

[Clocker]

Hope all goes well but be careful. Knowing what you have been through, this makes me nervous too. Be sure of their intentions and don't let yourself get pulled in too deep (no pun intended).

 

[P5-133XL]

Please don't expect anything more than to be used. You've been down the relationship track with this person before and came out of it hurt. the sayings -- "A tiger can not change her spots" and "Fool me once same on you, fool me twice shame on me" -- seem somehow appropriate. My personal experience with relationship get-back-togethers is that it is never the same, or as good, the second, third, ... time around.

Regardless of what happens, good luck.

 

[Tea]

Tigerz don't have spotz

 

[The JoJo]

Good luck!

Hope everything goes well! But as the others said so well, tread carefully in the beginning.

 

[Fushigi]

I basically ditto the entire thread so far with the exception of the spotted tigers.

 

[Mercutio]

I have my friend back.

I'm in a better place today than I've been in a very long time.
Many complicated, emotional things are in my head right now, but they're positive things.

I spent the evening with these two people whom I have so much in common with. We talked about the last two years. I was told - explicitly, because I need to hear those things, that I could expect to come back regularly, if I wanted.

After Amy went to bed, I stayed and got to know her partner. We talked pretty much all night. I didn't know what to expect from her, but in one of those weird Relationship things, I found out that she was actually intimidated by me. Amy, it seems, uses words like "saintly"when talking about me. Talk about an ego trip.

We talked a lot about trust and jealousy and other Very Serious Things, but eventually that got to be too much, so we switched to movies and stereos and lighter fare.

I finally left about 6:30. Even if I never see them again, I'm glad I got a chance to make my peace in whatever small ways I can, and I'm even more excited at the possibility of a "next time" as well.

If either of them is using me, I can't see how.

 

[Pradeep]

Glad to hear you're happy old fella.

P.S. DB has been bugging me to ask you about three-ways, I don't know what he's on about. Tea, could you have a talk to him?

 

[ddrueding]

I'm glad to hear things are going so well. Definatly sounds like a win-win situation.

Just smack DB around a little; anyone with experience in these things knows that the 3-way option is in their court right now...sheesh

 

[The JoJo]

Sounds goo Merc, I'm happy for you!

I think we've all been waiting a long time to hear you this happy. Hope it stays that way.

 

[The JoJo]

Argh, I tried to say:

Sounds good...!!!

 

[Mercutio]

DB, In my very active fantasy life, maybe. I real life I'm all too well acqainted with the ramifications of the word "lesbian".

 

[Mercutio]

Thanks guys.

 

[blakerwry]

wow, looks like I missed a big moment. see whayt happens when you're away for a few days?

Glad you made you peace and hopefully a new friend.

 

[ddrueding]

The girl I just started seeing was under the impression she fit that category, too. Now there's just a certain...flexability?

Being "on the fence" on this issue seems to be more the norm than the exception.

 

[Grim]

Of course she was intimidated by you.

I have my friend back.

Very glad to hear it.

I found out that [Kim] was actually intimidated by me.

Having finally finished my recommended reading list, I've been trying to figure out how to suggest that might be the case for the past four hours, as well as a few other bits. Actually, to be honest, I'd pretty much decided to table that one until next week or so, as this sort of thing is difficult to accept from a disconnected secondary source.

Under normal circumstances, a new SO would be intimidated by an ex of significance (such as a fiancé). However, you're a very capable individual, who did his utmost to be the man for his woman. Even with you supporting her decision, it took Amy over a week to decide to follow her orientation. Not to mention, your normal obstacles don't matter here - you weren't socially inept around Amy, so it wouldn't apply. As such, she was probably quite intimidated. I suspect she might still be somewhat intimidated.

 

[Grim]

The girl I just started seeing was under the impression she fit that category, too. Now there's just a certain...flexability?

Being "on the fence" on this issue seems to be more the norm than the exception.

My understanding is, these days, being bi is in vogue (at least, so long as one is female). This does not mean that the young women giving this image are, in fact, bi; many are straight, and a number of them are lesbians.

This is not intended to speak to any specific encounters you may have had; there are some definite bisexual women, and there are some women who are definitely uncertain of their sexuality. However, I'd advise against thinking that some woman was uncertain of her sexuality simply because she claimed to be a lesbian - many lesbians are *very* certain of their sexuality, and quite capable of forcefully relating that to any man who thinks otherwise.

Just a word of caution.

 

[ddrueding]

The girl I just started seeing was under the impression she fit that category, too. Now there's just a certain...flexability?

Being "on the fence" on this issue seems to be more the norm than the exception.

My understanding is, these days, being bi is in vogue (at least, so long as one is female). This does not mean that the young women giving this image are, in fact, bi; many are straight, and a number of them are lesbians.

This is not intended to speak to any specific encounters you may have had; there are some definite bisexual women, and there are some women who are definitely uncertain of their sexuality. However, I'd advise against thinking that some woman was uncertain of her sexuality simply because she claimed to be a lesbian - many lesbians are *very* certain of their sexuality, and quite capable of forcefully relating that to any man who thinks otherwise.

Just a word of caution.

Although we are digressing from the OP quite a bit (sorry Merc), I'd just like to explain my reasoning.

1. Most people are not entirely comfortable thinking about sexual identity.
2. Those that are uncomfortable thinking about it and are confused normally claim the default (straight) position.
3. One can assume that anyone taking any other position are significantly more comfortable thinking about the issue.
4. I'll assert that those more comfortable in thinking about this issue are more likely to reconsider, re-evaluate, or just be open to more possibilities.

Please understand, I'm not saying that any group in particular is confused; just that those who have taken the road less traveled are more likely to consider their options.

 

[Howell]

I won't crap on Merc's happy thread but suffice to say I disagree 180 degrees.

 

[Mercutio]

With who?

For the record, Grim was my roommate for a semester, my freshman year of college, although I understand he's much better now.

At any rate, the point is moot. If you guys want to argue about sexuality, go right ahead, but I have no plans to pursue the route y'all have been joking(?) about, myself.

 

[Tea]

Wanna put money on it, Clippy? How's about fifty bucks (US or Australian, your choice). I give you the drum: they really an truly don't have any spotz.

 

[ddrueding]

Wanna put money on it, Clippy? How's about fifty bucks (US or Australian, your choice). I give you the drum: they really an truly don't have any spotz.

I'll take you up on that if you'll skip the drum and give me a Sharpie Professional

Regarding the other thing....yes, I agree to disagree with my own opinion. It was pretty late, and PUI is always a bad idea.

 

[LunarMist]

Good luck, Merc. I hope this will help you both in your continuing relationship with them and, finally, moving on to other romantic interests.

 

[Handruin]

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense how much relief you might get by having closure on the issue. If I remember correctly, Amy's partner didn't like you and wanted (or did) a restraining order? (was I dreaming that up?) Knowing what you went through; to be able to make amends with her partner, (and Amy for that matter), brings a large amount of relief to your mind.

It's the relief you get when you can finally convey that you had the best intension's through the whole ordeal and that you really are a nice guy... not some crazed lunatic that her partner was making you out to be.

In any case, if you can make the relation work with the two of them, I'm happy for you. I hope it brings you a genuine smile, at least once. :spiderman:

 

[Mercutio]

Well, I got some news yesterday that pretty much just fucked my life.

Not gonna talk about it - despite predictions no one is trying to take advantage of anyone and there's still a kind of holding pattern thing going on between all parties involved - but a slip of the tongue on their part has left me even colder and more depressed than ever.

The hospital is looking like a good place for me right now.

 

[LunarMist]

Oh Merc, I hate to see you go through this painful cycle again. If there is anything I can do drop me an e-mail.

 

[Handruin]

Very sorry to hear that whatever happen is causing you so much grief and depression. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

 

[jtr1962]

I also hate to hear something like this. We're all here if you need to dump your problems. Feel free to PM whenever you want.

 

[BooST]

I'm here for ya too, bud. I think you've got my number and I know you've got my email. I've always got time for a friend.

 

[Fushigi]

All I can do is ditto the above replies. Know that you've got a lot of friends here who only wish the best for you and are willing to help in any way we can.

 

[Mercutio]

I'm staying at my brother's for the next couple of nights I think. I don't think I should be alone.

 

[ddrueding]

Keep us posted, you don't live that far away...

 

[Clocker]

Hang in there Merc. We need you around here...

C

 

[The JoJo]

Take care.