Getting a life

[Mercutio]

I dedicate this topic the "Bill 'I've been divorced twice' Green Memorial Topic".

Now that my ex is wearing rainbow shoelaces and looking at my back-issues of "Playboy" for the pictures, anyone have any advice on where grown-ups (especially socially maladjusted ones) are supposed to go to meet people and find something to do besides sit around the house?

 

[Prof.Wizard]

Why you wanna know?

 

[Mercutio]

So, um, I do something besides sit around the house? Sitting around the house when there's no one to wait up for just gets a little bit old.

That, and since I was with Amy for my whole adult life, I think I missed out on some socialization I was supposed to do. Or something.

 

[CougTek]

I can't help you much Merc. I'm a recluse mostly because (and despite the fact that I have tried many times) most of the people I (often force myself to) meet disapoints me/don't live up to my expectations. I only wish you to have a better luck than I did. Hopefully, you'll meet some people deserving more than just polite salutations every now and then.

As to the where? part of your question : if it's like anything else, you won't find interesting people until you stop looking for them. Just try not to have too high expectations from others. People generally have a lot of flaws. The trick is to be able to see their good parts and forget about their darker sides. I have learned with time that this is a very tough thing to master.

 

[flagreen]

Why not take a music appreciation course at the University?

 

[Koggit]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing.

 

[flagreen]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing.

True enough, now go to your room! :lol:

 

[Cliptin]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing.

True enough, now go to your room! :lol:

It has been my experience that you will meet the kind of people you would find interesting while just doing the things you like to do.

For instance, it would be a bad idea for you to go out into the woods looking for someone with similar tastes. Not that you wouldn't/couldn't find someone out there who has a love for classical music (do you have other interests? ) just that it is either unlikely or that it would not be as high a priority. It is not important that you agree on every detail of life but the you agree on the top priorities.

In essence, get involved in things you like to do that naturally get you outside the house and don't look so hard. It's best when you're blindsided.

 

[Mercutio]

Let's just say my personal habits to date aren't exactly condusive to meeting people outside of a business setting. And a contractor in a business setting looking for a date... well, that just wouldn't go over very well in today's climate.

Anyway, classical music is what I like, but, uh, unless I'm wanting to meet people my grandmother's age, or motivated high-school kids, I'm pretty much out of luck on that front.

I like movies, but video stores and movie theaters aren't places to meet people. Kind of a solitary or date-type experience, there.

I read a lot, but I haven't seen anyone around my age at the library in months. Do people hit on each other at libraries?

... and I don't drink or tolerate cigarette smoke well, so I think bars would be out.

And hey, nice guy that I am (Amy says so, anyway), I look like Wayne Knight, if I ever got up the nerve to talk to someone. No points there, either. It gets even worse if I start thinking about actually having a serious relationship (Don't ask. Really. I mean it).

How do people do it?

 

[Cliptin]

Anyway, classical music is what I like, but, uh, unless I'm wanting to meet people my grandmother's age, or motivated high-school kids, I'm pretty much out of luck on that front.

I like movies, but video stores and movie theaters aren't places to meet people. Kind of a solitary or date-type experience, there.

I read a lot, but I haven't seen anyone around my age at the library in months. Do people hit on each other at libraries?
And hey, nice guy that I am (Amy says so, anyway), I look like Wayne Knight, if I ever got up the nerve to talk to someone. No points there, either. It gets even worse if I start thinking about actually having a serious relationship (Don't ask. Really. I mean it).

How do people do it?

Frankly,if you are not doing things you like, you will not be happy anyway. You really never know who would be interested in different stuff. You might even meet your long lost sugar-momma or her eligible relative.

You could get involved with groups that promote your interests. This would provide a venue conducive to relating but centered around your interest.

You could read at the park and you could leash the cats to the blankets. I hear girls love animals.

I guess it helps to have a seed group. Friends of friends and all...
Just be your self and get involved.

 

[Mercutio]

See, there's that problem. No seed group as such.

 

[Clocker]

Merc-

Shannon and I volunteer our time at a local food back once in a while sorting food etc. for those in need. We also occasionally volunteer at a place that does a similar service with clothing for new people entering the work force in need of a helping hand.

You might check around for a local charity/service in your area and volunteer your free time. You will probably meet some interesting people, have something different to do, and kill some time. Most of the people who volunteer their time for such things will probably be relatively outgoing and willing to meet others. I think it's a great way to do something useful and meet quality people (not club trash hoes).

C

 

[Clocker]

http://www.gleaners.org/

 

[flagreen]

My brother had good success by answering personal ads in the local version, where he lives, of the New Yorker magazine. Maybe there is a similar mag in your area.

 

[jtr1962]

It's a shame it isn't socially acceptable to do more than have a superficial conversation with people you might meet on the street. I've found people are willing enough to chat, but I don't think I could get up the nerve to actually ask a stranger for a phone number if I was interested in pursuing things further.

I'm in a similar bind to you, Mercutio. I do have a few friends, but I don't really meet anyone new through them. One guy owns a taxi shop and that's pretty much his life. Another one moved to NJ so I don't see him that much, and he was pretty introverted so he really wasn't a good prospect to meet people through. I've lost touch with all my friends from high school, although now I wish I would have made a greater effort to keep in touch. I think meeting people is easier if you have a core group of friends that can help you meet others.

As far as finding love interests, I'm probably the last person to be giving advice in that department since it's been nearly 20 years since I was seriously in love with anybody. I would even try to hit on people I see in the street at this point, but I'm so particular that I've seen maybe a dozen people that I would consider my type, and with my luck that usually happens when I have to be some place and don't have time to chat. As far as my previous love interest, the fact is we were both too young, inhibited, and inexperienced to pursue things further at the time, so it was kind of the classic Greek trajedy(athough I'm Italian and she was Chinese). I'm still trying to find her, if only to be friends. Given that more than half the people I went to high school with never married, I really don't consider this a pointless endeavor. Barring any luck finding her, I would say my best option is to just get up the nerve to start asking for people's numbers after chatting with them, or maybe trying online dating(I've looked on many sites, and haven't seen anything even remotely interesting). I would probably have to say your options are as limited at this point. As far as joining clubs or pursuing common interests, all of the things I'm interested in as hobbies have a nearly 100% male membership, so that's not a option for me as far as meeting a love interest directly. And to be perfectly honest, although I'm always open to the possibility, my life as it is now is just fine one way or the other. I've learned to like myself a long time ago, and hopefully that will come across should I ever meet someone.

As a last word of advice, don't settle for anything less than you want just because you're lonely. I'm sure I could have dated many people these last 20 years, but none of them would have meant to my what my last love did. When you meet the right one, you'll just know it the way you did with Amy and I did with Stephanie.

 

[Mercutio]

The northwest Indiana version of "the New Yorker"? Man, does that conjure up some disturbing images.

 

[Bartender]

Quite a drastic decision, but how about moving?

 

[Mercutio]

Moving? I'd want a job first. And that's not something that's gone well for me.
I am getting out of this particular apartment soon, if only to go to another one somewhere in the same complex...

 

[Bartender]

Yes, the work is important (most important when rent is due), but have you looked into the idea of moving to a location that is more to your liking (safe, more city like - less outdoorish)? Some locations that come to mind: Boston, Seattle, or New York. Do you mind cold weather?

 

[alpha754293]

bars, clubbing/dancing. P.S. Nothing wrong with classical music. Course, after 8 years of piano...it's like....a performers right to say that.

Those are the two biggest places to meet people, ESPECIALLY on a Friday night.

If you're for people who have a little more than JUST a head on top of their shoulders, universities are a possiblity. Then again, that all depends on your tastes. Perhaps taking a class or something (dancing, sewing???) I dunno.

Personally, I've never had much luck with it anyways, (well...actually..I've never actually TRIED come to think of it) but I figure that I'd probably find someone at the office or something. *shrugs* lol...I dunno....lots of places. Just...gotta....start talking to people...it'll help to ease the expectations. That plus realizing that you like a person for them as a whole, faults and all included as a packaged deal. Whether it's worth it in the long run, well..that's up to you to decide.

Cheers and good luck. Happy hunting.

 

[Vlad The Impaler]

Merc,

Get a job in a bar part time. It is the best place to work because it will force you to meet people. It really does work, and you get paid for doing it.

 

[Prof.Wizard]

Personally, I believe the first thing to do is de-dust the old phone catalog of pals. Especially (still) single ones... Two heads are better than one and two pals know more other-sex persons than one... :wink:

 

[Sol]

You could try taking a trip.
A week around Europe or somthing simmilar. If you take a package tour half the people you meet will be from home anyway.
You can avoid those uncomfortable unscripted situations because as a tourist you have some of the most well known social scripts ever concieved.
Of course the likleyhood of meeting somone with whome you wish to become romatically involved is slim. But that's probably true of most activities. But you still get to meet people and do things which might be fun.

 

[flagreen]

Oh and - where to get a life?

I just thought I'd add I got mine at Kmart.

 

[Prof.Wizard]

You could try taking a trip.
A week around Europe or somthing simmilar.

Taking only the necessary, right?!
No need to carry "scary bags" these troubled times of airport controls... :roll:

 

[jtr1962]

Merc,

Get a job in a bar part time. It is the best place to work because it will force you to meet people. It really does work, and you get paid for doing it.

Mercutio mentioned that he doesn't drink or tolerate cigarette smoke well, so bars are pretty much out for him(and for me for the same reasons). Also, although I can't speak for Mercutio, I don't tend to consider the types who would hang out at bars girlfriend material. For starters, I would guess a rather large percentage of them are either desperate, or have an alcohol addiction, or both. Hardly good candidates for a long term relationship in my book. Maybe a one-night stand, but I'm not personally into that sort of thing.

In all seriousness Mercutio, since you're planning to leave your apartment soon, why don't you consider moving closer to Chicago, or perhaps even in the city itself? Your likelihood of meeting people increases in direct proportion to the number of people around you, and you never know who you'll bump into going for a walk. If Chicago doesn't suit you, maybe give New York a try.

 

[timwhit]

If you start smoking then the smoke won't bother you as much. Start drinking too this will give you more self confidence for those situations where you meet someone that you would normally not talk to.

 

[Will Rickards WT]

hmm ... No clue. starbucks?
There is a really good place to look... but you have to believe first... a church.

 

[flagreen]

hmm ... No clue. starbucks?
There is a really good place to look... but you have to believe first... a church.

Shhh!

 

[Handruin]

Get a dog, and then walk it in a park. Pets make for good conversation starters. Just make sure to get a cute puppy so it draws in the ladies. I am a dog lover, and I believe in adopting them, not buying them. Our family dog was adopted, she's a mutt, but I love her to death. She's going on 15 years old now.

 

[Koggit]

you could always use some pick up lines like

"nice shoes, wanna f****?"

 

[flagreen]

you could always use some pick up lines like

"nice shoes, wanna f****?"

Way too crude Koggit, to the point of being offensive. No more posts like this please.

 

[James]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.

 

[Prof.Wizard]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.

...wanna fight? :mrgrn:

 

[flagreen]

Gee, thanks for the "help" James.

 

[James]

No worries Bill. :mrgrn:

 

[alpha754293]

[this is where I am supposed to post like the top 10 or 100 pick up lines, which of course...I never got...so..that's alright though.]

Well..actually..I think that I HAVE...gotten some kind of variation thereof, but can't seem to locate it right now, so I'll just skip over that idea, and if I should come across it again, I'll be sure to let you know and post it. In the meanwhile, read this:

http://womenrules.blogspot.com

Also, an interesting one that I picked up quite a while ago:
"Bust me your digits" (i.e. asking for a phone number) course..you'd also tell that the person whom you're asking is a computer-type person when the number she gives you is her ICQ#. hehe

P.S. Chicago is a good place. Detroit's alright...Windsor is pretty nice too actually...when it comes to that regard.

 

[Mercutio]

I've honestly never used F*** in that context, Koggit. Along with a very few other words, it strikes me as vulgar when said that way.

As far as moving goes, let me say it again: I can't see moving without a job. I've looked for jobs all over the country for five years, and never gotten one. Since I can make enough money here, even without a steady paycheck, to support myself, that's what I have to do. I'd love to live in a real city. But I can't do that without some kind of income and my income here is very much dependent on who I know in my area.

So basically my choices now seem to be either bars or the park?

 

[Mercutio]

BTW Alpha, I was a master at handling relationship stuff most guys aren't good at. Very romantic, very sensitive, remember important dates, handwritten notes of affection, gifts for no reason, that sort of thing. Hilariously, even though I can't really dress myself, Amy used to take me on shopping trips with her friends because I'm really, really good at finding clothes that are *perfect* (color, fit, style) for other people.

That stuff is all well and good (and possibly freakish, knowing the stereotype) when you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter much outside of one.

 

[Koggit]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.

....nit picker, sorry.