The NEC USB3 controller still works. I haven't dug out the manual to see how that's routed to the rest of the motherboard logic. I'm halfway inclined to just slap a NIC in it and let it run until it dies some more, not in the least because that's my main desktop.
Of course, I'm also going to see how awful the warranty service is. My last round with Gigabyte was atrocious, but historically, I've never, ever managed to successfully RMA a motherboard to Asus.
If I can't get them to take back a $250, two month old motherboard, I will be declaring fatwah, and there will be no toleration of its existence.