My only goal in 2024 is to ride at least 2,500 miles. I managed to reach that last year also.
I'll always remember the days people or pets important to me passed. Tiger for example died on October 1, 2002. I remember that every year. You don't get over deaths so much as you just learn to live with them. Remember my mother was with me every day of my life for over 61 years, barring three semesters in college. Most marriages don't last that long, although her middle sister was married 73 years when my uncle passed in 2020. It'll be a long journey before I feel normal.
I spent most of my life adapting to other people. Frankly, I'm sick of it, especially when most don't even make a cursory effort to adapt to me. A former friend, with whom I used to do only stuff he liked, and also listened to him talk about himself, told me he didn't even read an email I wrote where I was excited about my new airless bike tires. He actually told me I'm only concerned with things which interest me. Two years ago, I finally cut ties with him. In fact, this is the send off e-mail I wrote him:
This email I've been working on for the last few days should answer all your questions. Wellness check not needed, and frankly I'm more than annoyed that you would even think of asking the NYPD come unannounced to my house. I hope you know people have gotten shot that way. Tell the police all is well, which it is. You can verify that with Phil. If you pursue this any further, I'll be suing you in a court of law. Stay the fuck out of my business!
This email is a culmination of a promise I made to myself and my siblings over the last few months. During our communication blackout I realized how much better my life seemed without you in it. This is exactly the opposite of absence makes the heart grow fonder. I lost weight, started riding more, have less gray hair, and even started getting some hair back. I also stopped the stress eating and junk food. I realized you've been a toxic presence in my life for far too long, but I lacked the courage to end it. That's no longer the case. When my health and mental well-being suffer due to someone, it's time to remove that person from my life. After not having contact with you for several months, I realized you add nothing positive to my life but a lot negative. My health has literally suffered on account of all the aggravation/stress you've given me over the years.
You helped reinforce this decision with your actions recently. After no contact for several months, you only came to me when you needed a favor. Furthermore, you called back less than four hours later about me not getting back to you, and reminded me again twice via email, and twice via phone messages, that I didn't respond. I have no wish to associate with a person who has so little respect for me or my time, or who expects me to jump the minute they ask me for anything, even things which aren't time sensitive, like when you get a carry permit. I'm tired of the constant berating you've given me in the past. I'm tired of your ridiculously excessive demands on my time. I'm tired of all the drama when you don't get your way. I'm tired of your constant complaints about every person who has ever wronged you in your life. I'm tired of visits which remind me of hanging out with old people in Cracker Barrel. I'm tired of you only wanting to talk about stuff you like. I'm tired of you acting like I'm your entertainment committee. I need people in my life who lift me up, not drag me down. I'm no longer going to be your punching bag.
No, it didn't bother me in the least that you didn't contact me for my birthday. In fact, I recall telling my siblings that I hope you don't call me. I wouldn't have picked up anyway. Contrary to what you say, birthdays and other occasions have meaning for me, but that doesn't include always being obligated to have a long call with you just because it's a special occasion. Ever think I prefer to celebrate with the people closest to me, namely my family, and not be taken away from that by your always lengthy phone calls? You smother your supposed friends with your juvenile need for constant contact, and your middle school view of what friendships should be.
In a nutshell, I'm making the agreement to not have contact permanent. Consider this my parting email. I haven't enjoyed your company in a long time. You changed for the worse a few years after I met you. Besides, you're honestly not the type of person I would have chosen in the past to be long-term friends with. This just shows how much I lost touch with my true self over the years. You're not even useful to help me meet girls, which might be a reason to hang out with you, even if I had no others. I wish I did what I'm doing now a decade ago. I would have saved myself a lot of time and aggravation.
Find one of your neighbors to be your safeguard person. It makes more sense anyhow. You didn't really think this through. I couldn't leave my mother alone long enough to run all the way there anyway in the event of your death. Another practical problem with this is how would I even know if you died, except perhaps weeks, or even months, afterwards. I can't in good conscience write a letter convincing the NYPD that you're of good moral character to own a firearm either. Frankly, the thought of you with a gun sends shivers down my spine.
Contrary to what you think, I have no interest in getting a carry permit, so you're not doing me any favors going through the process first. In fact, guns have been mostly your gig, not mine. At best I might eventually buy a rifle or shotgun for home defense and that'll be it. I don't go anywhere so dangerous I'd feel the need to carry a gun. As it stands now, getting a carry permit is WAY too much work for me to be bothered.
You're on your own with the car washing as well. If mom were still in her normal state of mind, I've little doubt she would have withdrawn her offer to let you use the driveway after all the crap you said about me and my siblings.
I have no ill will towards you, and hope the remainder of your life is pleasant. However, I no longer wish to be a part of it. It's been a one-sided relationship for a very long term, and which has also negatively impacted my physical/mental health. There's literally nothing you can offer me at this point that I want or need. I might further suggest that you look for a girlfriend. It'll do you far more good than hanging out with me or other guys, unless of course you're gay. And start exercising. If you had been more into physical activity, I might have at least had a few things I could have enjoyed with you. Sitting on our asses in my workroom, talking about hobbies you're interested in, isn't my idea of fun.
Also consider getting a job, even part-time. It might do you some good to keep busy. You're the one who said you're bored. You've been using the excuse of needing to be on Medicaid for too long. It's holding you back. It's not the end of the world if you're just on Medicare. Mom has been on only Medicare from day one. Same thing for my father when he was alive. It'll be the same for me once I turn 65. Consider if you work, your Social Security will go up, offsetting some of the extra expenses you may incur without Medicaid. Same thing if your employer has health insurance. Their insurance might pay for a Medigap policy for you.
Please don't bother emailing me or calling me in response to this. I won't read any emails or pick up the phone. If you keep calling or emailing, I'll block your address and phone number. As I said, this is my parting shot. I bet you didn't see this coming. I've been planning it for months. As the old Klingon proverb goes, revenge is a dish best served up cold.
Yes, it pained me a bit to have to tell you all this, but in the end my health/well-being has to come first.
